When my daughter and her then
boyfriend were graduate students at Indiana University, my husband and I
visited and got to meet Bill on a lunch outing to a quaint Asian
restaurant. On that first meeting, I was
struck by two qualities: his gentle manner and his kindness. Reflecting upon this, I came to the
observation that kindness is a highly underrated virtue.
One definition of kindness is “the quality of
being friendly, generous, and considerate.”
According to the scriptures, patience and kindness are the primary
descriptions of love in 1 Corinthians 13.
I used to wonder why those qualities were the first to be mentioned in “the
love chapter,” but as I have gotten older, I have understood the value of them
much more. Thinking about the times in
my own life that I have needed healing and comfort of spirit or body or both, I
see how much good kindness can do.
During
the months after the dramatic 17 days of life before our second child died, I
had two friends whose presence in my life was indeed healing and kind. One was a close friend who had a young child
of her own. Every week, they along with
Bonnie and me, would go to a women’s prayer group in a lady’s home, and then we
would have lunch together usually at my friend’s house. Sharing this activity with me, expressing her
love and kindness for both Bonnie and me, was certainly part of what helped me
through that time. I knew I had the
freedom to share feelings and struggles with her that probably would have made
other people uncomfortable, too.
The
impact of a small act of kindness took me by surprise in another connection
with others in sorrow or pain. I grew up
in our neighborhood church and participated in many activities there. I got to know the Director of Christian
Education fairly well; she was a very nice and peppy person. Years after I had grown up, this woman died,
and I took my mother to her funeral service.
I also sent a sympathy card to her husband, who also went to the church,
and wrote a note on the card about what she had meant to me when I was
younger. About a year later, I drove my
mother to a church service at my old church, and the husband sought me
out. He wanted to tell me how much my
words had meant to him when he read them.
I suspect they offered some healing to his sorrowing soul.
Even
writing about these times in my life reminds me of how offering ourselves, our
words, our kindnesses can make such a difference in the lives of others. So much hurt and suffering. Let us not be slow to respond with friendliness,
generosity, and kind consideration.
A
friend’s presence in the midst of suffering provides great comfort.
